The Greatest Gift

A guest article from Melinda Patrick, host of the award-winning The Bridge Between Us podcast.

For many of our children, when we hear the news of their acceptance or struggle with an LGBTQ identity, they already know where we stand. If they didn’t know from our lifestyles and their upbringing, they learned from the words that came out of our mouths shortly after the discovery.

We look at them as if they are strangers; they look at us as though we are the Enemy. They know what we are against. But do they know who we are for?

It is easy to get caught up in the battle around us and forget our children are more than their sin. When the Enemy of family and gender breaches the walls of our homes, a division is created. Suddenly, we have forgotten that God gave us to each other. Each person tends to wander off, barricade their heart, and deal with the aftermath of the explosion on their own. That is typical of trauma. We start spinning and eventually find we are a family of individual spinning plates. Each goes their own way. Before long, we are out of control. We never once consider that whatever we are going through, God created us to face it together as a family.

Lack of control can make the most rational person act in the most irrational ways.

Having a child embrace an LGBTQ lifestyle will teach you things about yourself you didn’t know existed. I never thought I was controlling until my daughter shared that she experienced same-sex attraction and was choosing to embrace the lifestyle. Forgetting this was a spiritual battle and not a physical battle, I started controlling everything I could get my hands on. Her car keys, her job, who she spent her time with. The list goes on.

I stepped into the battle believing that if I packed the correct Scripture verse into our conversation the right way or shared a testimony I just heard with my daughter, that her eyes would open and turn everything around. Perhaps, if I could tell her one more time this is wrong, and God has something better for her, she would fall on her face in repentance.

The method I thought would rescue my daughter was pushing her farther away.

What I eventually came to discover is my daughter didn’t need a controller. My daughter needed a mother to sit in the pain and lovingly help her sort out the confusion. A mother that she could share her hurts and struggles with. A mother who would not manipulate her healing but would surrender control to the Holy Spirit; trusting the God who created her and could bring our world back into order.

If you are feeling somewhat inadequate for the task at hand, my dear friend, Cheri, often says: ‘You aren’t just a mom.  You are just the mom God chose. The exact mom your child needs’.

It’s not about having the right child, it’s about being the best parent for your child.

Where this journey with an LGBTQ-identified child can often leave us feeling powerless and defeated, knowing that God chose you can offer empowerment and confidence.

Where we can’t control our child or loved one’s choices, we can control how we walk this journey out with them.

Coming up against roadblocks and pushing my daughter farther away while wearing myself out, I finally sat down and did a deep dive with the Lord. I came to find out I was a lot of the problem. Recently, one of my grandsons went with me to run a few errands. All was good until it was time to eat. As I went to put him in the car seat so we could get home to eat, he decided he could buckle himself in better and faster than me. “I hep! I hep, Yaya!” while also crying to eat. I did my best to tell him that if he was hungry, he needed to let me get him settled in the car seat. He was blocking the very thing he desperately wanted.

The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart at that very moment. “Melinda, you want your prayers answered, but you won’t let Me do My job. Maintain your lane and let Me maintain Mine.”

I am guilty of trying to “fix” the problem myself. This puts me entirely in the way of the Holy Spirit working. Knowing the role of the Holy Spirit is critical and sets us up to be the best parent for our child.

Could we be colliding?

Here is what the Bible says about the role of the Holy Trinity:

Conviction of sin: John 16:7-8

Opens the eyes of the blind: Psalm 146:8

Guides into all truth: John 16:13-15

Sanctifies: 2 Thessalonians 2:13

Draws people to Him: John 12:32

Now let’s look at our role:

Love biblically: 1 Corinthians 13:4–7

Enjoy being a parent and see our children as gifts: Psalm 127:3

Pray: Philippians 4:6

Live out the Gospel through our own lives: Proverbs 20:7

What would it feel like to just love your child?

No expectations of them. No agenda when spending time with them. Just pure, simple parent/child love. The key is understanding that we aren’t the ones who will open their eyes but He has invited us to join Him where He is at work.

Take a deep breath and repeat after me:

“This is not up to me. God is fully capable of reaching my child. Lord Jesus, once again, I surrender my child to You.

As I sat before the Lord in my quiet time, my prayer was simple: “Lord, please send someone to my daughter today who will point her toward You.”

Before I could take another breath, I felt the Holy Spirit speak to my heart: “Melinda, I did. I gave her you.”

Brave one, You have been chosen and handpicked to co-labor with King Jesus in His pursuit of your child’s heart. As you engage with Him, He will equip you for each next step.

---

Having a daughter involved in the LGBTQ community for more than 11 years, Melinda Patrick knows what it is like to grieve the choices our loved ones have made and understands the helplessness we feel when things aren't as we had hoped.

Melinda Patrick provides parent support for His Wonderful Works, Inc., is host of the award-winning podcast - The Bridge Between Us, is author of The Daring Rescue: Joining Jesus Christ In His Pursuit Of Your LGBTQ-Identified Child's Heart and currently serves on the board of directors for Restored Hope Network. She is an international speaker at family conferences, church ministry events, and parent groups to embolden and equip families and the church to love well while not compromising Truth.