The Emptiness of Side B

Reflections on Bethel McGraw's recent First Things article, "How the Side B Project Failed"

I read Bethel McGraw’s article, How the Side B Project Failed, as a refugee from the Side A project. I am equally concerned about the message of Side B. 

Every Christian who has questioned their sexuality or gender, whether formally identified as LGBT or not, faces a theological and doctrinal reckoning when they come to Christ. What does it mean to be born again when one has same-sex sexuality or gender incongruence in their life? Christians surrender their self-governance and understanding of personhood when they follow Jesus. Sides A and B are missing the satisfaction and fulfillment of that very human-turned-more-than-human experience. Sacrificing LGBT identity opens the door to self-discovery. Through honesty and authenticity, life surrendered to God exposes our personal history: we are not “born this way.” Our LGBT sexuality is not innate and determinative. We are “merely” men and women, genetically indistinct from all others despite our unique experiences. 

In the context of a supportive and empowering congregation, leaving LGBT behind makes way for wholeness. Distorted and broken expressions of relationships fostered by LGBT identity give way to belonging among other disciples of Jesus who are mutually pursuing spiritual maturity. One no longer experiences rejection or “otherness.” Instead, they discover that the deepest needs of men and women are shared, shattering stereotypes and presumptive judgments. 

“Are you family” is an oft-used euphemism within the LGBT community. Family and belonging are deeply held longings in the LGBT culture. Its “Equality,” neighborhood centers, Pride flags, and gay bars point to a yearning for connection. Yet, in a convoluted way, these institutions perpetuate a fractured existence of life—gay versus straight—that forbids identification with the rest of humanity while also sincerely longing for it. But the isolation of the modern condition is not exclusively an LGBT predicament. Culture tells us that romance and sex answer our longing for connection. This deception draws Side B to despair and leads to disordered, though well-meaning “covenant friendships.” 

The heart’s cry of the LGBT community simply mirrors that of greater Western society who are lonely and longing for meaning, purpose, and belonging. The sexual identity movement has removed sexual boundaries between peers, and so robbed a generation of the beauty of pure-hearted and devoted friendship. Reinforcing biblical notions of singleness, marriage, family, and parenthood within a tight-knit Christian community assuage the loneliness of “expressive individualism.” Ultimately, they can also be a balm that invites freedom from the domination of LGBT identity.

Rev. Elizabeth Woning, MATS
Co-founder, CHANGED Movement